Thursday, Mar. 01, 2007 - 3:28 p.m.

mild injury #3 / some info about roller derby gear

Derby-training injury #1 was in mid-January; I was attending an open skate session at my local rink and fell on my knees while not wearing knee pads, which resulted in a mild bruise beneath my left knee. No big deal.

Derby-training injury #2 has been an ongoing battle between my skate and the arch of my right foot - I've learned how to tape up my foot so it is no longer blistered/mangled by friction, my socks are now blood-less, and I don't have to pause mid-practice to adjust shifting bandages. Kinda painful in short bursts, but again, no big deal.

Derby-training injury #3 was definitely the most fun to acquire. Yesterday, we practiced knocking each other over via controlled bodyslam. Essentially you skate after someone (who is acting like a "Jammer", the person who skates laps around/past a cluster of other skaters) and try to knock them over (or at least slow them down) by quickly bumping your shoulder-thru-hip into their shoulder-thru-hip, avoiding using your head, elbows, hands, or anything below the butt to bump into them. I was knocked over at least three times and made very good use of my mega-dorky looking butt-pads and tailbone protector. However, I have nothing padding my upper arm from an unexpected shoulder slam. At one point, I happened to be practicing with one of our referees-in-training who hadn't figured out that you use the entire side of your body, _not_ just the bony part of your shoulder. I should mention that he's a very sturdy dude with very broad (and apparently bony) shoulders. So now I have a bruise on my arm, a few inches down from the shoulder. I have no complaint about the mild pain; my complaint is that the bruise is definitely not picture-worthy. Many derby-team web sites have a section devoted to pictures of injuries, I suppose because even as adults we like to show off our boo boos.

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

Speaking of showing off, I'm assembling quite a collection of (goofy) skating outfits. I find that I'm most comfortable training in:

a helmet and mouth guard - because concussions suck

wrist guards with cut-up socks as liners - I broke my right wrist back in '83 at a skating rink, and already spend time in wrist braces, duh.

sports bra or regular bra covered by tight tank top - protect the girls! Even if it means squishing them into oblivion!

long sleeved cotton top - so the elbow pads don't rub bonus sweat-absorbing qualities, and protection from being scraped by someone else's padding

cotton undies - animal prints or cartoon characters please! If I have to have my clothes cut off by a medical professional, I might as well entertain them in the process.

thick (footless) tights - so the kneepads don't rub, animal prints or stripes preferred

cotton bike shorts/tiny tight shorts/padded bike shorts - so my tights are more modest and I have something hold my butt pads in place and latch my tailbone protector onto.

(I have to mention that even if your tailbone protector is in its proper place, it makes you look like you dropped a giant load in your pants. Which is preferable to an injured tailbone, if that gives you an idea of how bad an injured tailbone can be).

top off the three layers between my butt and the floor with
a miniskirt (in a feeble attempt to hide my butt pads)

Of course I'm also wearing a pair or two of socks under my skates.

. . .

Just wanted to shatter any possible illusions that I'm lookin' hawt, or even trying - I too have seen girls skate in thigh-high fishnets, tiny skirts and questionable undies. Although it's a very entertaining look, I don't think itís for me -or- I'm too chicken to try anything like that just yet. I've seen too many photos of fishnet-print floor burns and wheel-shaped butt bruises to give much consideration to attempting vixen-on-wheels. At this point, I'd completely settle for not-disastrously-uncoordinated!



Wednesday, Feb. 28, 2007 - 3:08 p.m.

(a belated) Elvis Wednesday: replacing curse words

Hoo boy. I am apparently on a mission to make a neverending to-do list at work. Last pay period, I worked 44 out of 80 hours. I was either blissfully sleeping off a flu bug or spending time with my lovely sister so I don't regret my absense from the cubicle.

Apparently my cubicle wasn't feeling so amicable. Although I stopped by often enough to keep my plants and Betta (fish named Flipper) alive, my absence was noted.

There are tiny larve of some sort keeping Flipper company in his large glass vase and he's not looking his best. I'm going to have to find time to do a complete water change later on today, which is creepy because I don't have a spare fish bowl for Flipper to stay in while his vase is being cleaned. He swims in my giant mug/bowl I eat oatmeal out of. Also, I'm extremely paranoid that I'll lose him down the sink drain.

One of my peace lillies is now home to a swarm of tiny knats. I think I drowned out thier party pretty effeciently yesterday, but time will tell. My other peace lilly and Madagasgar Dragon Tree look forlorn. My spider plant has always protested living under flourescent lights, but looks really pale and wimpy now. I'll try to take some encouragement from 4 office plants who didn't seem to notice my absence.

I used my computer on Monday and didn't notice anything amiss, perhaps I was imagining the cubicle sabotage?

Nope. On Tuesday morning, before I could even see my deskI could hear my computer (that I'm pretty sure I turned off) whining like a cloud of mosquitos; a horrible, high-pitched EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Tech services swooped in to the rescue, and long story short, after 3 hours of tinkering (when I needed to be working to make deadlines) they've loaned me a temp computer and my harddrive is probably toast. I hadn't backed up my work, and I've got very little work stored on a shared drive. Losing 4 years worth of data? A very real possiblilty.

Fortunately, I was issued a new computer a couple months ago, and tech services has been too busy to wipe out my old hard drive, so at minimum, I'll get most of my data back, and will only be missing the past few months worth of work.

The idea of loosing a few months worth of work is nearly enough to make me march into the local gay bar (cause the manly barmaid makes a strong mixed drink for $3.25) and announce "take me to your Rum". But, I'm keeping it in perspective, and decided to be creative rather than destructive with my rage.

At the same time, I'm on a mission to stop cursing, because it is neither ladylike, sportsmanlike or "rated G" to curse in a rollerderby situation. And since my team wants to sell lots of tickets, we want to be known for being family entertainment, as in not chanting "crap crap crap crap gonna fall" as you whiz around corners looking like a drunk moose on ice.

So, I present to you the ever-flexible phrase:
"Elvis Presley on a stick"

As in
"Elvis Presley on a stick - it's cold out here!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - my knees hurt!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - my fishbowl has larve in it!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - there's a knat condo in that potting soil!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - that girl tries my patience!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick! Your fart smelled like cat poo!"
"Elvis Presley on a stick - I'm surrounded by nimrods!"

I'd present you with a clever Elvis Presley photo, but my failed harddrive ate it.

F*ckin' computer . . . .



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